Why is it so tough for us to contain our rage when it comes to our children? There are many causes for this, but we believe the primary one is that we encourage ourselves to get frustrated and lose power. When we respond emotionally to our children and lose control, we encourage them to dictate our behaviour rather than the other way around.
Parents often respond to their children without thought. Parents feel they must instantly get their children under control, rather than pausing to consider, “No, let me first get myself under control before answering to my boy.” We don’t want your children to think of you as the MONDAY of their life and the reason why we are here to empower your calmness.
If you’re angry right now, don’t proceed to read this blog — you won’t engulf it in its entirety. But if not, please go ahead!
Sssshhh! Here’s a secret: When you gain hold of yourself, your children are more likely to do the same. It’s important to remember that both calm and fear are infectious. It has been shown that a parent’s depression about their infant has a direct impact on the child’s anxiety.
Let’s imagine a situation: You are helping your child with some math problem. He is not getting it and is being whiny. Frustrated, irritated, furious, and disappointment are some of your feelings. You feel obligated to show him how to solve that problem, but he refuses to comply. You then scream at your kid, who continues to suffer. Then it gets harder and he can’t focus, so he’s nervous. He is compelled to do something, and he fails as a result.
Disturbing scenario, right? You’re solely responsible to stay calm and provide guidance when he is in utmost need. If we reconsider the scenario again but with positive feelings — no yelling, no frustrated pangs, then he would be able to cope with that problem in no time with a happy face! — Because we build the wall of weakness we’re trying to prevent; if we lose control and get furious.
For preventing these things to happen, we do believe that taking breaks is vital. Do you hear us? VITALLLLLLL!
It’s better to take a short and quick break — by doing what you love (like listening to soul-soothing songs) — before handling your kids so that your terrible temper doesn’t come roaring back!
Second important thing is — FORGIVENESS!
This is what keeps you from sinking into the depths of despair. When you screw up, you must apologize; by doing so, neither you will be disturbed for a long time nor your kids — eventually you will help them increase their concentration and your serenity levels. You don’t have to claim to be a perfect person, but despite your imperfections, let your children realise that you’re a damn good mother/father.
Last but not least — TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
Often what it takes to prevent a pot from boiling over is removing the lid for a few seconds to allow it to breathe.
The less we can react, the better. And the longer we learn about it, the more hopeful the result would be. That is the crux of our discussion: responding thoughtfully rather than merely reacting.
Happy Parenting! :)